It seems that two Aggies wanted to make quick, easy money. They went into the loan shark business. They lent all their money out and then skipped town...
Two aggies went into the hay business. They bought hay in East Texas for two dollars per bale and sold it in West Texas for one dollar a bale. The truck driver returned and told about how great the business was, people were buying it as fast as he could get it there. So, they decided that business was so good that what they needed to do was buy another truck.
From:
The Flat Tortilla
Fall 1986
Time now for a couple of jokes published in the Flat Tortilla in the fall of 1985:
Q: What's a piano that has fallen down a mind shaft called?
A: A Flat Minor...
Doctor to Patient:
"I have bad news, and I have worse news. Which do you want first?"
"Give me the bad news first, Doc," replied the surprised patient.
"Well," said the doctor, "You have only 24 hours left to live, you have cancer."
"Wow, that's bad, isn't it? What's the worse news?"
The Doc answered, "I knew it yesterday, but forgot to tell you."
A man went to his psychiatrist. He said, "Doc, I am really worried. I've begun imagining things. First I imagine that I'm a wigwam, then next thing I imagine I'm a teepee. Do you think I'm going crazy?" The Doctor replied, "No, you're not going crazy, you're just too tense..." (tents?? ha ha)
You might not believe this but:
A member of Bill Ball's church in Houston showed up one Sunday in Haines, Alaska. He said, and I quote, "I brought an ice pick along to pick the ice and permafrost to see for sure if under all that ice Alsaka isn't the same size as Texas."
We did have a lovely visit with those folks!
From: The Flat Tortilla
Fall 1986
Church Bulletins: Thank God for the church ladies who type them. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
- The Fasting and Prayer Conference includes meals.
- The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water."
The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
- Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
- Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
- The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
- Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
- Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
- Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
- For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
- Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
- The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."
- Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
- At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
- Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
- Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
- The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
- Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
- The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
- This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
- Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
- The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would send him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
- Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
- The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM . The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
- Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance
AND MY PERSONAL FAVORITE:
- The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours
The sign in the store window read: NO HELP WANTED. As two men passed by, one said to the other, "You should apply - you'd be great."
~The Flat Tortilla, Winter 1987
Contributed by E. M. Unger
This should bring a smile into your day!
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Thought for Today
We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature - trees, flowers, grass- grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence… We need silence to be able to touch souls. ~Mother Teresa
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